A Moment of Gratitude
Zac Schneidt is a husband to an amazing woman, a father of two amazing teenagers, and a retired Technical Operations Officer and military officer. He spent nearly 30 years living and traveling abroad with the United States Marine Corps, the United States Navy, and the United States Intelligence Community. In 2022, Zac attended Heroes and Horses with Class 3-22. As someone who tried many of the traditional treatment methods, Zac came to Heroes and Horses in a state of “exile” and fully returned home for the first time in 15 years. He returned during the summer season as part of the volunteer tribe.
November is my favorite month because my three favorite holidays are Marine Corps Birthday, Veterans Day, and Thanksgiving. One is a celebration of birth, longevity, and continuing tradition. The second is a day of thankfulness for those who have served or continue to serve. The latter is a day of gratitude and a reminder of how important the virtue of gratitude is especially regarding continued growth post H&H program. This month is also an epitome or metaphor for where I am today. The first holiday represents my youth and professional pursuits. The second is my current status, but no longer my identity. The last, a day of gratitude which for me reflects the stoic philosophy:
“True Happiness is to enjoy the present, without anxious dependence upon the future, not to amuse ourselves with either the hopes or fears but to rest satisfied with what we have, which is sufficient, for he that is so wants nothing. The greatest blessings of mankind are within us and within our reach.” - Seneca
I attended H&H during the 2022 season as a student in Class 3. Before attending, I lived a life of self-imposed exile. Exile to me means your heart is in one place but your body is in another. Moreover, the separation of soul, heart, and body and a corruption of perspective. After being injured and subsequently medically retired in 2016 and 2021, I lived a bifurcated life with my body being physically present, but my heart and soul wandering in a dark abyss. An abyss that was self-imposed and reinforced by a victim culture. H&H was the first place that rejected all the excuses, provided space under time and pressure, and gave me modalities that truly resonated and began to heal connective tissue between body, heart, and soul.
One year post-program, I have returned from exile by sitting in the pain and choosing not to suffer. Pain is unavoidable in life, but suffering is a choice. There was no magic pill or therapy. Instead suffering with others from our tribe in class 3-22 and turning inward through breath, meditation, cold and heat, and pure old fashion hard work. Modalities I learned and resurrected. During the 2023 season, I had the honor of returning to the ranch to serve those who were students. As I stated this summer, post-program life is not magically better. When you return home, you return to the environment you created, and all the issues left unresolved are still waiting. The difference between me and many of my classmates is that when pain returns in my life, I can turn inward and take control.
“Gratitude is not only the greatest virtue but, parent to all others” - Marcus Tullius Cicero
I am grateful for choosing to let go of the things that no longer serve me and removing my armor - a process that started on a ranch in Montana and continues today. I am grateful for today and the blessings I have in my life and for my soul, heart, and body residing in the same place. I am grateful for the donors, staff, volunteers, and the tribe at Heroes and Horses that provided me space and time to admit the hard truths over the easy excuses. I am grateful that my family stayed the course while I wandered in a self-imposed exile in a dark abyss often dragging them with me. I am grateful for the opportunity to serve others in their exile during the 2023 season. I am grateful for the opportunity to share my thoughts on the importance of gratitude in this blog. I am most grateful for accepting that without forgiveness there cannot be love, and without love, there cannot be hope. If you are reading this and find yourself in exile, know that great moments, truths, and realizations reveal themselves when we turn inward, admit uncomfortable truths, practice ancient modalities, and forgive ourselves. I hope to continue to serve this tribe and its followers in future seasons, but am grateful for this present moment.
Blessings, love, and gratitude to you and yours during this season.
-Zac